my dear child, this is just the beginning. i hope you are ready to experience the up’s and down’s of a roller-coaster life reflected on the heartbeat monitor screen. i trust that you are.
you are full of energy, taking to new heights, scavenging for the parts you don’t have, learning to lay the basic building blocks. time doesn’t stop for you – never felt like it did anyway, with endless exploration and undying curiosity. everything seemed so, so beautiful, you just wanted to cradle it in your tiny palms, share all of it with the world; i didn’t have the heart to tell you to be careful. you took risks without knowing, without caring and i loved the way your laughter sounded like tinkling bells and the subtle skip in your steps. treasure this, child, before long it’ll pass you by like the shooting star you made countless of wishes on. i hope you keep that innocence somewhere in your heart that’s too big for this world, even when it breaks again and again in the future.
it doesn’t hit you like a train, but the realization makes you feel like a deer in the headlights. i’m sorry i didn’t warn you dear child, i don’t think any amount of caution would stop you; perhaps i wanted you to enjoy it while it lasted. i know how it feels – you feel trapped in your own little bubble and it suffocates you, you struggle to breathe. sometimes, most of the time, your shaky hands try to reach out to someone, anyone, yet you always feel disconnected. you drown in the voices of your inner demons everyday, every night and hope that you’ll learn how to swim one day. (you will, i trust) some days you revert back to a crying child that hides in the warmth of blankets and pillows, who watches the fan whir rhythmically to time your breaths. some days you try to swallow your tears and choke on them instead – the lump in your throat only makes it harder to speak. scream and the pain in your voice comes back to you and only you; you feel so empty and hollow. fill it with empty promises and unsaid confessions just to feel alive again, because it’s the long way down and your vision ahead is a dark abyss never to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
you’ve grown and i’m immensely proud of you. be brave and take flight, don’t be afraid to fall. i hope your wings carry you far enough to experience the thrill of the ride, the quintessential of life; i hope you live long enough to reach this stage and be glad that you did. i hope you’ll finally be able to see beauty like how the world sees you for yours.