take a deep breath, you can do this. you’ll just have to take the first step.
you compose yourself in front of a full length mirror that exposes every undone stitch and faded battle scar. in a unnaturally calm tone, you start, stuttering.
“I am sorry for hurting you in any way. I never intended to, in fact; I couldn’t stop myself. I never meant to go against you, never meant to fight, never meant to start a war that I couldn’t bear to finish. I can’t count the days and I don’t think you would want to. But here am I, raw and vulnerable, and I sincerely hope for you to heal with time.”
it’s going according to the script. progress is good, hopefully she will accept the apology.
“But I am also very sorry that I was the one who did this to you, I’m sorry I unintentionally tore your heart part by part, without even reaching for the glue.” – wait this isn’t according – “I am so so sorry for everything I’ve done, I’m sorry that I couldn’t properly love you even if I really tried to and maybe it would better if you’d just erased my existence already but it is a crime and I can’t afford to be in jail.” – choking in between sobs now – I’m sorry you always feel sorry for me even if at times I resented you with the rage of a blazing forest. I’m sorry for the cracks in my heart and love seeps through my hands like sand in an overturned hourglass, I’m sorry that you can’t seem to be able to love me now. But most of all, I’m sorry that you are me.”
the mirror shatters.
you no longer have the heart to continue, but you cradle the broken pieces and finally, start searching for glue.