bloody hell

red-hot liquid sears through your arteries and veins,
making its way to the top;
threatening to tear apart, break down, destruct.
it seizes your heart, fills it with
a uncontrollable surge of rage;
infiltrates your mind, shuts down logical reasoning.

first comes dry anger. the
burning desire to throw something on the floor,
to throw yourself at the wall; to shatter something audibly,
you’ve already done that
but it never is loud enough to drown out the demonic voices,
that daredevil living in your head.
so you scream, shout (in vain),
hear the empty, lifeless sounds bounce back to you from the four walls.
you are caged, trapped
in a never ending cycle that repeats its rituals monthly.

next comes wet anger. you start to
give up because your actions don’t help, nothing does.
curl up in a ball, wrap yourself in blankets but
everything still remains cold to you,
what is there to warm your heart
feel your layers peeling, outer, inner,
at an excruciatingly slow rate, like the
old wall paint of an abandoned room. at the core
lies many questions left unanswered, rediscovered,
the unfamiliarity sinking in. there is no action plan,
you don’t even know what is happening, so you just
go with the flow. open the floodgates, let it out,
hopefully the pain will be washed out along with bad blood.

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