it’s been a long time. mixed metaphors, fuzzy feelings. blurred bearings, but i will draw the line again and again until the streak becomes permanent, bleeds ink that seeps into my hands and my heart, telling me: no, you must not cross. drown myself in melancholic musings, greedily accept the waves that lap temptingly at my feet, allow them to pull me in deeper, sink further. i want to drown without death, feel the water fill my lungs; bleary eyes seeking mirages that i reach my hand out to but will never inch close enough. if i take one more step it will disappear. a story of make-believe, childish camaraderie and mysterious masks. it’s okay, i chant the mantra to myself, feel the finger puppets move on auto-pilot. it’s okay, i watch as ships drift further, ripples get lighter and the chain on my feet feels heavier. it’s okay, let’s just space out for a while and let the darkness, that i was and am still afraid of, consume me whole.