at first i just wanted to touch you,
as lightly as a falling feather.
but it wasn’t enough.
i desired to occupy the spaces
between your cold fingers and soon –
the void that resides in your heart.
then i craved to carve my words
onto your beating heart, with
bleeding guilt and self-contempt.
it wasn’t enough.
i ached to etch my name, over and over again,
into your mind, through your thick skull,
breaking bones and demolishing
the surface i have worked so hard to defend.
but “mind you, dear” was just enough –
enough to wake me to my senses
and let logic and rationale take over again.
the obstinate heart sighs, and resigns to its fate.
the mind reigns again, i think, with a throbbing pain in the chest.
the things you do to deceive yourself, the heart thinks.