your struggle to connect is like how your every first attempt to plug in the USB fails because it is always the wrong way around. it is the fuzzy wifi signal, the loading signal that goes in circles, white noise that blares from within. your feelings are encrypted in garbled 1s and 0s, you don’t know what comes after the flickering cursor and your heart’s strangled by red and blue wires. words tumble out as annoying pop up messages that everyone ignores, you try your best to be better with every update but change ruins you, slows you down and soon the replacements arrive. if someone tried to dissect you, maybe they’ll get to see the scratched, jagged pieces of metal that make you up. maybe then you’ll get to tell them, someone fix me please.
something’s wrong with you, but maybe the issue is you try to conjure one up for yourself when there isn’t one in the first place.